In July, I went on new medicine. I was going a bit out of control with all the reality OCD stuff, but I was also experiencing a lot of hopelessness. I had to make a “hope box” for a counseling session. I say this because it was helpful, and a good idea, but all this stuff wasn’t cutting it.

I gave God and my husband an ultimatum. One month. If things weren’t better in one month, we needed to look into moving. A challenge of where we live is a) the culture of people are different –ya know– cool professional kids, and b) I can’t do a lot of outdoor activities I used to love.

I’ve given it a good go. Two and a half years. With a pandemic continuing on with no end in sight, my plan to capitalize on being a new mom to meet other moms was not looking too promising. If I’m going to be lonely, I’d rather be lonely somewhere pretty and peaceful.

In addition, a lot of other things were “failing.” I was scared of being a mostly at-home mom. I went to a baby swim class that was just too much contact…and I was the only one signed up. I put all this effort into asking people questions and trying to get to know them…while feeling overlooked. I had people over and cooked for socially distant meals but felt unknown. I was done with being unseen walking through my neighborhood.

Enough is enough. I had been almost to this point before, but to have it impact my son…something had to change. I was serious. This time, we were going to cut our losses and get a real estate agent.

So yeah, I took that medicine. I asked a mom walking her little boy for her number. I reached out to my two best grad school friends to start a zoom bible study. And then I prayed with two people who felt touched. And then my writing started coming together. And then the FB plea I put out on a mommy board that was basically “I am a loser and need a friend” materialized into a full blown group of AWESOME moms that get together three or four times a month. All felt the same–we were just languishing in private

“I need advice. What are new moms doing to meet other moms safely during a pandemic? I’m going stir-crazy with my 5-month old, and was banking on library programs etc to meet other new moms in proximity/new to the area people prior to the pandemic. -figurin’ it out in Willow Grove”

As all of this stuff was stuff I had done before (except the “I’m a loser” post on FB), but somehow, it just all started coming together. Things started materializing.

Every week five to seven moms get together. A couple of them live in close proximity. I feel like I’m using my gifts of facilitation in a couple different spheres (including research journal club at work), and God has made opportunities to pray.

None of this is me. And that’s what I marvel at. I marvel at the fact that if I were not totally desperate, this group of moms never would have gotten together. If I had my way, I’d have had my “tribe” before I had a baby.

But here we are, with God making his strength known through my weakness. I am happy. My OCD symptoms have been more manageable. And while I don’t recommend giving God ultimatums, I think he knew I was at a crucial point and showed me a thousand new mercies in that month of mornings.