All the cool girls whom I’m not cool enough to be friends with are laying out on the beach in their bikinis.
I stand out in my athletic two piece bathing suit.
I don’t want to stay on the shore. I want to swim.
I don’t see the ocean on my own. Who wouldn’t want to get to get carried by waves? Whether that week at camp is good or bad, I can count on that. Me and a boy or four enjoying the water.
I’ve swum in the ocean before, but the swells are bigger, the thrill is greater. One crashes over me, and it sweeps over me like a peace as I’m somersaulting in the undertow. I don’t know which way is down or up. I don’t know which way to swim. But I know that if I relax, I’ll get there. I do.
And all that day, and other trips to come, I find this peace floating in the undertow. I like the lack of control. I submit to it. I don’t fight it. I’m not afraid of it.
I’m slowing down in the snow and the car fishtails as I slow. I’m not scared because I can’t stop, but I don’t see any close obstacles, and there’s a way of feeling in control about your safety even though you don’t have full control of the car. There’s a way of feeling secure about the swerving even though the steering wheel has become a guide instead of a control.
I enjoy that feeling. It doesn’t scare me not to have control of the car in a snow storm, permitting the streets aren’t too crowded.
What I think I’m seeing is that, the greater you fight for the control, the worse the outcome sometimes is. I have to relax, not overcompensate and over-correct in anxious moments. I have to let God’s assurance hold me, even when my anxiety prevents me from holding on to it. Because “his hold on me is stronger than my hold on him.” He is wrapped around me, even when I feel like I’ve let go.
I’m walking through it. TheBigQuestion: How do you thank God for rescue…when you’re in the middle of the wilderness?
How many people in the Bible felt that way?
Maybe I’m not the only one who needs to learn how to thank God for my salvation, when around me I see a wilderness or a wasteland. Can I learn to breathe his rescue? Embrace his rescue. Thank Him for the one rescue, even if I’m not rescued from a thousand other circumstances in my life.
If I relax into the undertow, I’ll make it to the surface. If I don’t try too hard to steer the car in current conditions, maybe I’ll fishtail my way to where I need to go safely.
My unwillingness to give up control…doesn’t change His mind on what He thinks is best for me. My unwillingness to say yes to hard things…maybe makes Him see how much of an idol they are to me.
Maybe the wilderness is going to teach me a greater lesson than the rescue.
Maybe I need to learn how to thank God for the wilderness as much of the rescue.