Last week, I felt like God wanted me to prepare for something. At church (note to self: at The Plant), God put the sense on my heart that it’s getting close to that time to write again.
God calls each of us to take the land, just like He did with Joshua. He calls us to enter the promise land.
God placed the sense in me that He was going to call me to take the land with a pen. My pen was going to be the way He used me to push back darkness.
My head knew that I needed to start the process of obeying, even though my heart wasn’t there yet. I deleted Facebook. I fasted.
Writing used to be a dream of mine, but I’m not naieve anymore.
Because dreams now? They can look a lot like hard work.
Dreams? Can appear impossible.
Dreams? Might be misunderstood.
Dreams? Might not look worthwhile.
And lets get real here. What if God is calling me to do something hard? Something that I don’t think will have enough impact to warrant the hard?
It’s easy to stand just eyeing the promise land and hoping that the good life doesn’t cost too much.
I’m just that girl, standing and asking God what it’s going to cost and if it’ll be worth the pain and hard work when I get to the top of the mountain. Doubting that the cost will be worth it is doubting that God is worth it. It’s doubting God.
Isn’t my not knowing the outcome is the start of faith? The start of trust? Isn’t the fact that this seems too big and too scary and too unclear and too time-consuming perfect for a God who does impossible things?
I’m reading this book called Love Does, and is this how God can move through writing?
Bob shares the passage about the man who had everything and wanted to know how to follow God. Jesus said to go and sell his possessions and follow Him. The man left. He left because it was going to cost him too much. When I place the cost ahead of Jesus, I’m only giving Him the parts of me I want to. When I place the cost ahead of Jesus, I forget the cost Jesus paid for me.
Bob Goff shares a sentence he heard. “You know what it is about someone that makes them a friend? A friend doesn’t just say things; a friend does.”
If I’m a friend of Jesus…can I not just say but actually do hard things?
I want to. I realized that I want to write for Him. His glory is always worth my discomfort.
And right then, my heart caught up with my head. I don’t know what writing fiction with God looks like, but God’s a good teacher. I know that from experience. I will rely on Him to show me the way to transmit what He wants me to write.
Even though I mostly wrote this about singleness, I find myself returning to this post: Saying thanks in faith