On that scary decision

So yeah, sometimes God doesn’t give a great, divine “yes.”

He just keeps prompting you to say “yes” to the next thing, and that thing is the answer in itself. It’s an exhale in itself.

There is someone whom I’m really enjoying getting to know. There’s someone whom I look forward to talking with every night and going on dates with.

If you knew me, you’d know that I’m usually the girl who is content to just see someone, have fun, and catch up every few months when we’re apart. So that is Different for me.  A good different.

It also changes my routine. It changes the fact that, until recently, I was able to work in some worship, prayer, and Bible time every night, in addition to writing. I was able to spend a few hours on these pursuits.

One of my greatest fears is that I’ll become a “rearview-mirror” Christian. The ones who recount miracles of God…that they last saw 10 years ago…because they stopped believing God could do new things. If the Bible is true, then God is capable of infinitely more than we dare to pray. I want to see the opportunities and stretching that He has for me today. I want to keep stepping out to see God do impossible things. I don’t want to just think that happened all those years ago. I want to think that the best is yet to come. Looking back once-in-awhile is a good way of recounting God’s faithfulness, but looking back too long or too frequently isn’t healthy in my book.

I want to keep growing in prayer, joy, character, Bible knowledge, obedience, and ability to hear God’s whispers. I want to appreciate Jesus more. I don’t want to keep singing yesterday’s song. I want to sing the new song God wants us to experience and recognize.

I can see several areas of potential vulnerability that I am asking for God’s help on:

  1. To not forget my first love. The one who is better than everything, anyone and any circumstance. The one who loved me first and last and every single day in-between. To let earthly relationship reflect heavenly ones, not replace them
  2. To keep running to God to meet my emotional needs and not place that expectation on a man
  3. To help me carve time for Him first
  4. To put someone else’s needs before my own. This gentleman does this beautifully for me. I want to do it well for him
  5. To figure out what God’s purpose for this time is, and how He wants me to work writing into it

My wise bestie, Rheanna, shared with me when she began dating her now-husband that the Lord asked her to not take her heart out of His hands. He then asked her not to take her boyfriend’s heart out of His hands. I want to make sure that I don’t take my heart out of God’s hands either, and it’s his hand deciding whether to put us together or not.

For now, I’m just enjoying the process of getting to (re)know someone and discovering the nice ways where our styles are very healthy complements of each other.

One thought on “On that scary decision

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