Mist

Decisions weigh like a heavy fog, and I’m right in the midst of it

Never forget it, Joyce. How God is always in control

How God is above the fog looking down, seeing the full picture

It doesn’t overwhelm Him.

 

Never forget it.

How you just have to let His voice of reassuring presence be enough in the midst of the mist

To let it guide you out of the mist

Just keep walking towards His voice

And confusion will gradually clear

 

Can I just spit it out? How terrified I am of the future and men cheating and babies leaving and of letting my joy be tethered tightly to someone elses’?

How terrified I am of not being enough

How terrified I am of destroying

How terrified I am of settling

How terrified I am of safe, comfortable Christianity

How terrified I am of change?

 

And why is it easier for me to be vulnerable from a platform

Than with a man?

 

Fear upends me and I am no longer calm

I am no longer strong

I am no longer unafraid

I am in a wild kind of poached-animal panic

 

But He comes and meets me and makes me calm

He is my strength

And I trust in his Brave

 

The God over my confusion gives me only that as clarity tonight.

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