The one prayer that will break complacency

I’ve been on a journey in really trying to accept God’s purpose for this time in my life, and balancing hard purpose with some of the emotions that come with where I’m at this time in my life.

God is patient, and God is gentle. He is firm, and he is kind. The church throws around the word “convicted” and the Holy Spirit, and that sounds so harsh and undesirable. My own experience, however, is gentle clarity with correction that changes my life. It’s a solid word, without condemnation. My own experience is God’s tender leading on earth.

Two nights ago, my head felt like it was going to explode. Yeah, it took me right back to that time, that year of pain. That year when I first met God in His might. That year of medication changes and doctors and steroids and PT. That time of wondering if this was my last winter to breathe cold air. It turned out not to be life-threatening, but it completely changed my way of life.

For the better.

It’s often in the quiet corners of agony that life seizes us.

In a state of suffering, a suffering God feels close to us. That is the beauty of Jesus. He knows. Jesus knows suffering, feels compassionate towards the suffering, reveals tender mercies towards the suffering.

I swallowed down the pills that are a grace to my aching throb, and it took me back to other moments when life seemed fragile. My cat came in and sat right there on my chest. An oppressive mercy.

First came the heart-prayer, then the start of a prayer to break passivity. To break self-pity. To break inactivity.

Teach me to number my days, God.

Teach  me to number my days.

Because my days are numbered, my heartbeats are numbered, my neurons are numbered and death may be speeding towards me like a freight train right around the corner.

Teach me to number my days, not because I care about my legacy, but because I care about yours. Because my life was made to be the biggest and best kind of movie screen for people to watch and feel and see how good and big and powerful you are.

And in the face of “wanting to be held”

Teach me to number my days.

In the face of wanting to google why I’m not chosen

Teach me to number my days.

When the temptations for mind-numbing through excessive media comes along

Teach me to number my days

In the depths of brokenness

Teach me to number my days.

 

When success consumes

Teach me to number my days.

When friends call me away from your presence

Teach me to number my days

When I want to cave to what everyone else thinks about me

Teach me to number my days

When I’m comfortable

Teach me to number my days.

 

I came across this verse. God was accusing some of the Israelites of hunting the souls of people to bring them away from God to worldly things. But the reverse, out-of-context interpretation also struck me hard. Will I hunt the souls of God’s people for Him. Will I encourage the souls that I come across who are alive in Him? What if all life is meant to be just that?

Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you? -EZEKIEL 13.18

Help me to number my days, God, so we can hunt souls of your people through the tools you have given me and the power you provide. Help me to number them in the face of all things, success or failure, so your purpose is the focus of all my days.

 

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